Happy Easter

Today is Easter Sunday. It is the first major holiday since the death of my mother that we are celebrating without trying to recreate what she would have done. It is also a really hard one, because as devout Christians, Easter was a really big deal at our house. My memories of preparing for Easter are just as intense as my memories of preparing for Christmas. But with that extra sense of urgency, because for those of us who are Christians, this is the day that commemorates the great miracle. This is the day that Christ broke the bonds of sin and death, and set free all who will believe Him. With this miracle He gave us everlasting life. After the events of the last year, I find myself reflecting on that wonderful gift in a whole new way.

Over the last forty days, as I journeyed through Lent, I had a really hard time getting into discipline of the season. Usually, I love this practice. It's a call to refocus and rededicate my life to Christ. But this year, I had a hard time even going through the motions. This morning after church, I realized that I have been living my life in a Lenten like state for nearly ten months. Even during the initial shock of hearing about my mom's death, I didn't doubt my God, and my faith remained unshaken, but I did wonder why. What part of God's plan could this possibly be? Even news that should make me happy, seemed to barely bring a smile. In recent days, I've started to wonder if I was just becoming bitter. I've had to make myself numb, because I just don't want any more pain. And then I wonder, how will that effect my ability to be the mother my children need?

But then little things started to happen-an encouraging note from a stranger, the lady in front of us at the Starbuck's drive-thru paying for our whole family, because we were kind enough to let her go in front of us, and an encounter with my little girl where I realized (probably because of all she's been through) she has a level of compassion and empathy far beyond her almost four years. These three events coincided with Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Easter morning. Each reminding me of the precious love that comes from my Savior. Each slowly reawakening in me the joy that comes from knowing that God loves me so much, that He sent his Son to die a horrible death in my place. That Christ has broken the bonds of sin, and that I, an imperfect human being, will share in the everlasting life. And this year I have extra joy, because of my parents' faith in Jesus Christ, I know that they are rejoicing and celebrating with him now. And when I do finally leave this life behind, I will celebrate with them, and all who believe, for eternity.