Yes, it was daddy. Not Dah. Or Da-Dah. Or duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. But the actual word, daddy. And obviously, to the correct person. G and I looked at eachother, and we had one of those momentary family celebrations.
Firsts are always something to be celebrated. And both my girls are in a series of firsts, especially Sweet Potato who is approaching her first birthday. Soon I imagine we'll be seeing her first steps. And Tee, this fall will be her first day of pre-school, and with that the first back-to-school shopping trip.
My mom was so good at celebrating all the little milestones in life. Which makes this time, bittersweet. I know she'd have so many ideas. We'd already discussed Sweet Potato's birthday cake, banana cupcakes decorated like monkeys. And mom had mentioned several times a shopping excursion for Tee's school clothes. Part of me wants to avoid these events because my mom's absence will be so obvious. But part of being a mommy and a grown-up means doing the things you don't always feel like doing. And I do want to make sure that my girls have memories, with or without Mammah, of a childhood filled with love. I just always thought my mom would be part of that childhood.
Firsts ARE something to be celebrated, and the girls are so lucky to have parents that appreciate all of their milestones. The pain is still so fresh that each of these moments will be bittersweet, but in time, those moments will grow to be less painful and more precious. You will be surprised at how your mom’s ideas will still come through as you prepare for birthdays, holidays and the like. SHE is a part of you, and you will make sure to keep what she would have liked at the forefront of your mind when doing anything for and with your girls. The 1st birthday party and the school shopping trip will, of course, be difficult to do without your mom by your side, especially when you want so desperately for your mom to be a part of them. By “being a mommy and doing the things you don’t always feel like doing” you are showing them that their special moments are still special to you and to Mammah. Perhaps, you could incorporate angels into the 1st birthday party theme as a remembrance that Mammah is there too. I think you are good at celebrating the special moments in their world too, and this is how your mother’s spirit lives on in you and in them.
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