The church's staff and volunteers have done an amazing job putting together an appealing and exciting curriculum to introduce these simple truths at an age-appropriate level. But due to recent events, my three-year-old is asking questions that theologians spend a life time discussing.
I consider myself pretty adept in this field. After all, this was my major in college. I was starting the grad school application process when I became pregnant with my first daughter. And I cherish the time I get to spend in prayer and Scripture study, both individually and with others. What I'm saying is I can discuss spiritual matters, even with those who don't share my faith. But my three year old is stumping me. How do you respond to an exchange like this?
Tee: Mommy, God loves us right?
Me: Yes.
Tee: Is God happy?
Me: Yes, God is happy.
Tee: Are there two gods?
Me: No, there is only one God.
Tee: No, there is a happy god, and a mean god who took Mammah away.
How do I explain to a three-year-old that God in His mercy and love took her Mammah home to heaven? I don't understand His purpose or His timing, but a life time of walking with the Lord has shown me that all things work according to His purposes. I have seen examples of that time and time again. And I know one day, probably after I get to heaven, I'll understand this too. But how can I explain this to my daughter? Especially, when she's pretty sure she doesn't want to go to heaven.
I too have struggled with the answers to these questions, although in my 31 years I have never thought about having a “good God and a bad god”. Here is what I have come to know. Maybe some of this will help Kate.
ReplyDelete• People die because of chance, not because God wants it that way. People think that God is making all these things happen. Well, if God were like that, I wouldn't like Him either.
The God I worship is not in control of who lives and who dies. I believe that we were placed here to be free agents. In order for us to be free, we must live in a free universe. For it to be free, it must be random in producing good or ill for any given person.
We have some lessons to learn here. If the universe were not free (random) we would not have the freedom we need to accomplish our tasks here.
However, remember that the innocent who dies young goes that much sooner to a better place. Perhaps they had accomplished what they needed, who knows??
God doesn't make people die.
Hebrews 2:14 Therefore, since the “young children” are sharers of blood and flesh, he also similarly partook of the same things, that through his death he might bring to nothing the one having the means to cause death, that is, the Devil; 15 and [that] he might emancipate all those who for fear of death were subject to slavery all through their lives.
I have often thought about what it must be like to be born. Imagine having to leave the security of the womb, where everything is provided. To have to enter a new world where one must breathe, nurse, and keep warm must be quite a shock! We do it because that’s God’s way. It is through his mercy that we don’t remember it. Birth is probably frightening, too.
When our parents die, we lose our past. When children die, we lose our future. Each death is different. It has to do with the age, circumstances, and relationships. Some people die of old age, others of illness (some of which short, some long.) Some deaths are a blessing, because the person has finished earthly suffering.
Sometimes we can console ourselves, by saying the person died doing what he or she loved, their “passion” if you will. But all death is a change, and change is scary.
The sudden death of a child is particularly difficult. Where is the justice? What about the
unfulfilled hopes, dreams, and aspirations? As parents, we are often not even to the point where the child has left our house, let alone left the planet. In sudden death, there is a “shock value” added on to insurmountable grief.. It makes healing even tougher because we grieve on so many levels.
We all know our relationships are on loan, for they belong to God. It’s just hard to return
them so soon.
But God is not vengeful. He allows consequences to happen as a result of human actions. I can’t comprehend the mind and heart of God. I can only speculate. But emotionally, I want to know. It became an obsession. It took hours on my knees to beg for the grace, and eventually to let go of my need to know “Why?”
ReplyDeleteWe all suffer for the ones we love. Sometimes it helps to work through our grief by creating something to keep the persons memory alive. Grief drains a lot of energy, but prayer creates a tremendous amount of energy. It is incredibly healing to have something positive come about as a result of someone’s death. That’s why people plant trees in memory of their loved ones. It is a wonderful memorial to them. It is truly the circle of life. It gives purpose to our suffering, and that leads to hope.
I know that God is all loving, and he gives us what we need to get to heaven. He comes with
grace in one hand and the cross in the other. Only he knows which to give us at any given
moment. Our challenge is to completely trust that he will give us what we need. He has our
best interest at heart, and only he has the perspective of eternity. That’s the catch!
But strong faith does not make the pain go away. In fact, it makes the suffering greater because faith increases the capacity to suffer. That is what makes our prayers so powerful. That’s why when opportunity knocks, we must respond. We may not get a second chance.
Mary’s suffering must have been amazing, and Christ’s must have gone beyond all
understanding. How did he do it? He did more than just accept his cross, he embraced it. Mel Gibson’s movie, “The Crucifixion” depicts Christ giving over his hand to his executioners. They didn’t have to take it. He gave it willingly. That was, and still is, hard to do. So in order to imitate him, I learned I had to do more than just accept my cross. I had to embrace it also. It’s hard to trust that God will give us the grace we need. But it is in this trust that our suffering grows to become powerful.
Catholics don’t just assume that our loved one is “in a better place.” You can only know
that they are farther along the way in the “Communion of Saints.” We are the “Church Militant” on earth. They are most likely among the “Church Suffering” in Purgatory, and our eternal goal is the “Church Triumphant” in Heaven. Souls in purgatory need our prayers because they can’t pray for themselves. They depend on us for salvation. Once that is realized , then you know you have a had a job to do! to get busy praying for her. That will give you hope.
Our faith must triumph over our grief…and it can. We must know that there is an all- knowing, all loving God, and we are not he. We must let God be God. Then, we must accept his grace to let faith triumph. That takes a humble trust, which God often grants in a very special way to the broken hearted.
The Gospel of Matt 11:25-30 tells us, “…for my yolk is easy, and my burden light.” Suffering the death of a parent is not easy or light, unless we let God help us. When he carries our yolks and burdens with us, then and only then, do they become light, and powerful! When we work in concert with God at this intimate level, then he can use us for something miraculous!
During this time of great suffering, may you find great solace in family, friends and priests. They will be instrumental in helping you. God Bless